Sunday, March 29, 2009

Load shedding..!

blog mjhe yaad he
bht phele,
pichli garmion mai mene tumhe aik long absence k baad kaha tha k,

jab mood hota he, light nhi hoti
aur jab light hoti he mood nhi hota...!

aur ab to aik ghanta light ati he, aik ghanta jati he
aik baar nhi bhoolte baara dfoon mai se k light band na karen........,
bare sarial hen..!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

an epilogue to a dialogue

Reffering to a previous post,
A dialogue

now I think
Ill die on the bed of roses, bleeding.....!

Out of heart....?

aik proverb hota he out of mind out of sight,
mai teen saal tak sochti rahi,
kia insaan out of sight aur out of mind hone k saath saath, out of heart bhi ho jata he.......!

paanch saal beet gaye,
aur jawab hamesha na mai mila,

qudrat ka kaarkhana, ajeeb he, ya zalim....!

Monday, March 23, 2009

tere ushaaq bht khaak basar phirte hen...............

Blog, ajeeb baat he
kbhi kbhi yun mehsoos hota he k jo kbhi mehsoos nhi kia usse bhi mehsoos kia he,

ye daawe kis qadar jhoote hen

jis tan laage so tan jaane, mai kia janoon,
mai kia, aur kia mere khayaal..!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Blog, I can feel..!

I feel,
I feel like a child, who designated on selling eggs, have ended up breaking them,
like a blind who has lost his stick,
like a poor stricken wrench, whose last ten rupe note has lost,
like a poultry holder, whose chickens have diagnosed bird flue,
like a diary, accidentally damped, which is only blots now,
like an imp watching his targets getting pious,
like a cinderalla whose prince is incapable of striking one, after eleven.
I feel like a pinnochio who planting his only possesion with hopes of multiplication, lost even that.

And last but not the least
I feel like a penniless child in ragged clothes,
walking in the streets, lonely in his acquire,
searching behind window panes, columns and bars,
If there is anything HE can buy..!

Friday, March 13, 2009

off for ten days

Blog I,ll be off for ten days or fifteen perhaps,
even if I,ll come, It would be difficult to post..!

Do pray, That I,ll convince maself that working hard is after all a good thing.....!

Dua karo k Allah wo kare jo mere haq mai bhtar bhi ho, aur meri khwahish bhi ho,

I need this prayer badly, I am in need...!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Blog jab takiye par sar rakhti hun, to bht si sochen warid hoti hen, magar unnn mai tumhari qismat ka kuch nhi hota,

aaajkal chup rehne ka ji krta he,
dil krta he tumhe dekhun magar bolun kuch nhi,

Aaaah, aur iss waqt bht dard ho rha he kamar aur hathon mai,
mjhe so jana chahiye....!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Two and a half hour talk... ooops

Blog, itna enjoy kia aaaj,

Today I was in mood,
It was just when I was near sleeping, that the bell rang, [phone bell]
It was Fati, mood turned on, and it went to its peak, as the talk gradually took it,s course,

talked so much and what gibberish.......!
I was so much in mood that I even was nt realizing what I am speaking and about what,

It was so fun
at one point, Fatima said about a drama from the book Heratkada by Ashfaq Ahmad sahab,
that she just has a feeling about this drama as if she knows it somehow,

And I very [ the stress is on very], philosphically replied,
" Fatima ye dramay hen.............!
ya to humne dekhe hen, Ya nhi dekhe,'' :surprised
and it was three minutes later that I realized what stupidity I had uttered.

Damn it, I am gramatically stupid.
Dunno where my mind resides half the time,
Maybe the astral world that I am so much allured by.

Thats just a maybe, You know....!

Near the end of the call, fati said
'kaash hum larke hote, mai bhi tujhe khti k aja meri taraf zara,
I said na yaar, larka bhi hoti tab bhi, busen khtm hen iss time,

khti he,
''Tumne ghurbat se bahir nikal kar nhi sochna na''

hahahaha, waqai that was so stupid, jab hum larke ban hi gaye thay, aur baqi day dreaming bhi kr hi li thi, to aik scooter konsi bari cheez thi.....!

She called, and the call prolonged for about 35-40 mins
and then I did for 40-50 mins
and then she for 40 mins again,

a single call in three turns.....,

Ghurbat k masail....! :grin

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Neeli chirya

Neeli chirya ko bht jald pata chal jata he k wo neeli he,
isliye nhi k wo aina dekhti he
logon ki nazren aur bhoori chiryon ki thongen usse ye waqt se bht pehle bata deti hen.

aur phr log sochte hen k itni kam umar mai itni agahi achi nhi hoti.......!


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

.......... untitled........,

aaaj yasir bhai ne baat ki k
Baat dilli tak jani chahiye,

Baat waqai dilli tak hi jani chahiye....!

I am a wonderful person,
Sometimes I walk faster then a bus and honda civics even,
I am surprised why is it only when the red signal is up....!

phikki pe gai....,

kal raat jab aik baje net use krk gai to upar jak ammi kliye chaye bnai,
chat pe time guzara,
aur chat par apne favourite spot par beth kar A dairy of a young girl prhi..!
bht enjoy kia...!

Many ideas crossed my mind, strange like always..!
would share in onward posts....!

jaaldi sone ka irada tha,
magar do baje se bistar par pare pare, yun k neend ati hi na thi,
bht garmi lag rhi thi,

akhir dil bht tang agaya,
dusre kamre mai chali aai
aur Ali bhai k show se kuch recordings sunneen,
aur kia baat he
'' phikki pe gai chand tarian di loo
tu aj wi na aayo sajnaa,''

Haye, it touched my heart so much,
I heard it for an hour, rewinding and playing again and again....!
aur phr prog mai Ali bhai ka ye khna k,
''kisi mughal shehenshah ki trh, wo dehli jahan aapne hakoomat ki ho ,
wahan apko qaed hokr jana acha nhi lgta...!''

kia Aala baat he...!

and after having all that, I went to sleep and didnt wake up till 2 in the afternoon,
and even that with reluctance...!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

this posts and maybe the ones following it are I dont know a sequence to what,

Blog maybe people think that I have started taking a negative approach towards life or whatever and whatever,
but this is not so
I hate feelings getting accumulated in my throat like an unswallowed bite.

I want to feel them, they cannot be strong enough to melt me away or make me suicide.

Toofan ata he, aakr guzar jata he, kam az kam insaan bacha rehta he, and i love the person in me,
And I dont want its spirit to die, thats why i want to feel. I dont wanna be a dumb and numb, insensitive idiot.
I,ll bear pain but that thing........., No.

I am bad , I am lazy, and I am not proud of it,
and it is not so that I can not be otherwise,
its just that i have not tried in literal sense,
and yeah blog,
I am no different,
i am a stupid, day dreaming, unenthusiastic human being.

But I have a belief in myself,
today, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after that,
I,ll break this shell, this monotony, this stagnancy,
and would soar high and lead ma way and add something positive.

Things will come, difficulties, hurdles, people, whatever whatever...,
but i would not stop and shine high in the sky, with my head held high that yeah I have proved my worth,
I am worthy enough to be called the crown of creatures,
and this my dear friend, aint a dream,

And I believe in my beliefs.....!

dunno what to call it

I bought ''Deewan e Ghalib'' and ''A diary of a young girl'', today.
Dil ko kuch chen mila,

Qasam se, was feeling so very out of control last two days,
my nerves, they were going absolutely wild and I was acting so terribly bad,
that I just did nt want to tell you,
I was ashamed of my behaviour, my weakness, Myself........!
I hurt people bad...!

But it is a fact and has been a fact that I have been unable to cope with frustration.....!
The feelings, and their intensities get double and negative, both,
and i start acting like abnormals....!

Ohhh how insensitive a thing I become........!
I hate it, and I am sorry.........!

SORRY in capital letters....!

Mom I owe you so much,
I know its hard to raise a child like mine,
mom thanks for bearing all that much,
and being so very patient,
and so very caring and sensitive for treating sensibly the type I am.....!