CHINA,.......... getting over my nerves.

Blog You know what,
uhhh uhh uhhh,

Well before telling that I have to mention that fati,s father is better now, after a successful minor operation.

But Ah, the plus news,
its making me crazy,

Fati has been nominated from her college for a delegation to china, which is going through student exchange commission,
May she get selected,
but believe me, what crap is it.

She is going to china, and that without me,
like to hell with leochoo, he does nt cares for me, calling her alone, with a bunch of possible idiots, who wont be knowing him even..!

Now just have it na just some days backed we talked so much of china, and dreams coming true but what way.....?

Kia kaali zabanen pai hen, By God...........!

...........................Back to anone..!

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I strove with none, for none was worth my strife;
Nature I loved,and, next to Nature,Art:
I warmed both hands before the fire of light;
It sinks; and I am ready to depart.

Bano appa

aaaj bht gloomy feel kr rhi hun,
bas kbhi koi zara si baat upset kr deti he,

aaj bano appa ko khwab mai dekha tha,
bht yaad a rhi theen,
call ki unhen,

aur ajeb baat ye he k meri baat kra di gai bgher kisi taradud k,
do teen logon se hota hua bil-akhir phone unn tak phnch hi gaya,

bht khushi hui,

baat bht mukhtasir hui,
magar khushi rhi k ho gai,
end pe wo kuch keh rhi theen, but phone band ho gaya.!
aur choonk wo tabiat ki khrabi k baice baat nhi kr sakti theen, isliye dubara mene bhi nhi milaya.!

pata nhi , maine bano appa ko ziada prha nhi he, magar unse bht ziada uns he, ese hi jese kisi ghar k bare se ho....!
uns unk fan se ziada unki zaat se he, hena ajeeb baat..!

Thinking back....,

Sometimes, its just that i think,
that I hold no place in the lives of some people I love so much,

like I am here,
I am living,
I am growing,
I am blossoming,
I am loosing,
I am gaining.

But then there are them who are not at any of it,

They tell me of the going ons in their lives,
but dont miss my presence at them...,

Like I hate it, Memories bite.!
the difference between the past and the present hurts....

Life has certainly changed,
the relationships have weakened,

I wrote some years back, three of them maybe,

khne sunne may aya he,

ghata deta he qadar, ana roz roz ka,

par kia karen jo ho judai lambi itni,
k phr milne ki tammana bhi na rahe...!


Aur ab to haal ye he k,
judai ka ehsaas bhi ehsaas krne par hi hota he...!

It has become a reality, a solid mist, shy of its presence,

but always there when you look for it,

wahi k sahir khte hen,

magar ye ho na saka aur ab ye alam he,
tu nhi, tera gham, teri justujoo bhi nhi...
guzar rhi he kuch iss trh zindagi jese,
isse kisi k sahare ki arzoo bhi nhi,

Haye,

triumph.......

I got a baby cousin just an hour before....,
yet to be named.

A Dialogue,

Life can be harsh,
life can be difficult,
it can be ugly even.
But unfair,
no, Its never unfair.
It has its divisions, it has its blessings and its wicked spells.

But you get them all, less or more,
sooner or later,
but All.!

Sometimes you may feel so, LIFE... UNFAIR..two words...!

but believe me, otherwise you are a princess,
but if you feel so, then let yourself
if you are jeolous, then be,
if you feel pity for yourself then do,
if you hate the world, you want to break the window panes,
My dear, you are most welcome....!


But there , my princess,
you are a princess,
for thorns,
they always come with the roses,
roses,
beautiful,
held,
known,
blooming,
dead,
burnt,
wilted,
sad,
unseen,
whatever way, but roses, my dear, roses anyway..!


And Life too, is a bed of roses,
its just that I dont talk of the thorns, I broke my skin with.....!

Ahhh, my dears...!

mayya ne aik shair likh kr bheja,
well, ussi ki kefiat mai hun...

Maktab e ishq ka dastur nirala dekha
usko chutti na mili jisne sabaq yaad kia

Haye,
aaj bare mamoo waghera bhi aye thay,
well, mera khayaal he jab insaan expectations rakhna band kar chuka ho,
to narazgi bemaani he...!
bas jo he, jesa he,
he to na, yahi bht he...!

Han, ye albata alag baat he k kbhi kbhi insaan bht sensitive moments guzaar rha hota, aur cheezen jesi chal rhi hoti hen, unhen bardasht krna mushkil ho jata he....
but jab moqaa milay rishton ko aur kamon ko, sudhaar lena chahiye....!


bhabhi aur bache bhi aye,

I love my bhateeja, bhatiji,

hectic.........

WELL,
U KNOW IT...!

blog, ami gir gai theen, kafi choten aein,
hospitals phirna, ghar sametna
mehmaaan....!

Ahhh hectic and tense....!


aaj aik saanp wala aya tha, he gave me a seed kind of thing called 'so-mukhi"
known for its electro-magnetic effects..!
I touched the sannp, took it in hands, well it didnt felt much different, or much dangerous, as to be called precisely.....!

farsi classes are going well,
mayya has left them, but fati joining them in...!

Blog..!
mayya is making me crazy,
she is irratating me like hell,
........................[Why my friends have to be so, they always insist on doing what I hate.....!]

I am literally thinking of closing you blog,
Uhhh...!
sheis driving me nutssssssssssssss..!

ahhhhhhhh,

uhhh aaaj gai bhi, but classes nhi hueen aaj start,
dahhh...!
mayya aur fatima donon hi nhi aeeen..!
Fati k abu ki tabiat theek nhi, dua krna blog..!

kher, kafi der waheen library mai bethi rhi, phr sadar ghoomne nikal gai,
wahan se register aur pakstudies kliye aik book li,
phr aik flower wale se kuch phool liye,
lena gul-e-nargis chah rhi thi,
ghar phnchi to ami ne kha,
''ye to tuberoses hen''

Mai bhi soch rhi thi, iski khushboo utni tez kion nhi.... :wonder :p

all about the long awaited sunday, HADI,s engagemen.....!

well, I didnt tell you about the last sunday, the awaited one...!

warda ko beizat kr kr k jaldi bulwaya, aur jab wo phnchi to mai madaam abhi srf naha rhi thi.....!

Had a fight over that, and then we packed the gift and left....!



Whooa, this eye-brows plucking buisness hurts,
Literally, I shouted and shrieked so much,
I was literally pleading,

''bas na ho gaya na'', ''ye issi trh acha lag rha he''
''bas aur nahi patla kren eye-brows ko.....! mai bas yunhi theek hun''

UHHHH....!


hair cutting bhi karai,
baal bht chote kr diye unn ne...,

[and I was just repeating an incident in my mind, a comment that i got from a young girl several years back, when i myself was about some twelve years old...!

''Inni waddi larki te baal inne nikke nikke''

well I still laugh at the wonder expressed.......!
haye mere mulk k pyare aur masoom log...! ]


Hadia itni pyari lag rhi thi,
she was looking phenominal, she amazed me, like hadia ye tu to pyari lag rhi he,
And I liked his fiancee,
and the best thing abt him is that, he reads Imran series...!
hahaha, [ jhalepan ka koi mol nhi ],

and when I came back home, I was continously saying that,
''mama mera daddooo to pyara lag rha tha...!''

wese wo pyari he bhi, ye alag baat he k mai na manun....! [:p]

I still could nt believe Hadi ki mangni ho rahi he, wese tension kuch kam hui, mjhe achay lag wo log....!

haye ghalib,

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jaata hooN daagh-e-hasarat-e-hastee liye hue
hun shamma'-e-kushta, darkhur-e-mehfil nahin rha

aur kia khoob kaha he k,

bedaad-e-ishq se naheeN Darta magar 'Asad'
jis dil pe naaz tha mujhe wo dil naheeN raha

Aha, jis dil pe naaz tha mjhe wo dil nhi raha...!
kia baaat he....!

ahhh dunno, abhi so kr uthi hun, and am in no mood of writing,

Maybe later, coz there z so much to tell you

Faiz,s 98th birthday.....!

Listen Blog,
today is Faiz sahab,s 98th birthday,
dont forget to watch, PTV at 11 pm....!

Faiz sahab ki videos bhi shamil he iss khiraaj e tehseen pesh krne kliye kiye gaye program mai,
bano apa bhi bethi hui hen........!

so I am very happy and looking forward to watch it.....!

Khwab jo k khwab hen...!

just now talked to Fati.........!

I am in high spirits...!

Mai farsi classes join kar rahi hun, Fatima joining them too...!
wow, kitna maza ayega, hum roz milenge, kitna enjoy karenge.....!
I am soooooooooo happy.....!

hum roz mila karenge kai maheene tak....!
wow! wow! wow.....!

aaaj humne itni achi achi baten ki,
as if dunya mai kuch bhi bura nhi he, aur dunya hmare gird ghoomti he,
aur koi cheez nhi he, jo hmare khwabon mai rukawat bane...!


we share our dreams,
and today we talked of fulfilling them,
planning our futures, Ahhh, wish they come true...!

we talked of going to china after finishing our exams...., and getting admissions to some gud university..!
ahhhh, china,
china... and its remoteness!

[I repeated the word ''china'' twice, and asked her,
''HUM kis k des jaeinge.....?

and she stopped for a minute and said.....
'' Leochooo...!''

and then said
'' jub tumne itni apnaiyat se kis k kaha na, to my heart throbbed with excitement, Leochoo''

and then we shouted the name with All the love we could endure

''SAFDAR YASEEN LEOCHOO'' ]

we talked of becoming independant, and then hiring a flat together,
and working on contracts,
and taking breaks every six seven months,
and going to remote places,
and of buying a camera of 6000 snaps capacity,
and of stopping by every river, every bridge, every thele wala, every mochi, every khakroob.!
and of having coffees in the terrace,
and of driving speed,
and of exploring places in the countries new,
and making our library of 4000 buks one day, and on and on, increasing in number,
and letting our dreams lead our way,
and never stopping,
and flowing and flowing....,

As if the world was not what it is....!


But I wrote a poem some timees back,
and there were these three lines that I wrote,

[aur ye teen lines mjhse duhri wabastagi rakhti hen,
aik ye k ye mere qalam se mosoom hen
duja ye k ye, Mjhe pasand bhi hen,
and that they are two things that combine rarely]

Khwab jo k khwab hen,
khwab hen deewanon k,
aur kab deewanon k khwab poore hote hen,


...........................To bas yahi kul baat he.
but wishes are wishes,
what if not grantable,
there is no stopping from wishing,
I Believe..!

For hadia.....!

I am happy for hadia, I am very much.........!

Allah kare wo hamesha khush rahe, hamesha , hamesha.....!

aur Allah Taala usay wo den, jo uski bhi chahat ho aur Allah ji ki bhi.....!

jahan mai itni khush hun wahan thora sa dar bhi rahi hun dil mai,
wese to Allah ka lakh lakh shukar he, sab ache ki report he,
but satta khelne se phele dar lagna aik fitri baat he........!
and marrying is nothing different..!

wo aik bndi khti hoti thi,
shadi aik satte k taur he,
lag gaya to lag gaya, warna sari umar ka rona he..!

to kher,
bas hopes high...........!
:grin

to ji,
abhi engagement to ho le.....!
hum prhe likhon ki ye bari musebat he, sochte bht hen..........!

:WONDER

It,s late and I SHOULD BE GOING TO SLEEP........!
:P

new things..!

Ahhhhh,
I have slept so much, I feel tired of it,
since 4:30 till 1 am, about nine long hours,
dah........!

I sleep and I wake, and then I sleep again...!

Woke up listened to some radio, watched a tv serial, and then back on blogging....!

Well bht enjoy kia aaj....!

Hadia is getting engaged on fifteen of Feb, and for the first time, I am anxious, and am acting like a girl...!
the last thing I remeber before going to sleep, were flashes and slideshows running under my vision express,
and what slideshows,

clothes, make-up, hair cuts, this, that........... I dont know the names even....! :grin

well, it is a change, a huge one......!

and not to mention, that it was just yesterday, that I was saying,

k kuch log beniaz hote hen, aur kuch log beniaz dikhte hen,
aur zaroori nhi k jo beniaz dikhte hon, WO BENIAZ HON BHI....! ;grin

And a connected string of thought led me to think k mai fashion k baare mai jo patter patter lagi rehti hun, to mjhe bhi admit kr lena chahiye that I too have started taking some interest in that regard.....!
Ab masla tha ye k mai to hoti thi adha tomboy, fashion aur girlish harkaton se hoti thi chir,
[ jo k abhi bhi bare pemaane par qaim he]

amman ne utha k daal dia girls school mai, aur phr girls college mai....!
ab friends meri karti hen fashion, aur mai bethi shakle dekhti hun k ye ho kia raha he... :wonder

and then warda,s continuous taana- maro- fying that I dont know this and I dont know that...!
It,s hell....! believe me.....! :sorrow

to chaar nachaar mjhe bhi krna par rha he
[ kionk mera khayaal he k mjhe bhi thora sa insaan ka bacha lagna chahiye........]

lekin uss adat ka kia jo fashion related cheezen dekh kar mere mun se tareefen nikalti hen unn cheezon ki baabat....!
Maaar khaoungi kisi din wardi se........!

I believe in Fairies...! I Do...! I Do...!

Ahhh, watched Peter Pan today,

nice graphics,
And after All what are the fairy tales,
a Fantasized form of our usual world.......!

We shant loose the wonder of them.......!

live in realities, dream of fantasies...!

I believe in that,

You should care of trying that too...! :grin

The Greater Sea.......! KHALIL GIBRAN....

Another chapter from The Madman,

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My soul and I went down to the great sea to bathe. And when we reached the shore, we went about looking for a hidden and lonely place.

But as we walked, we saw a man sitting on a grey rock taking pinches of salt from a bag and throwing them into the sea.

"This is the pessimist," said my soul, "Let us leave this place. We cannot bathe here."

We walked on until we reached an inlet. There we saw, standing on a white rock, a man holding a bejewelled box, from which he took sugar and threw it into the sea.
"And this is the optimist," said my soul, "And he too must not see our naked bodies."

Further on we walked. And on a beach we saw a man picking up dead fish and tenderly putting them back into the water.
"And we cannot bathe before him," said my soul. "He is the humane philanthropist."
And we passed on.

Then we came where we saw a man tracing his shadow on the sand. Great waves came and erased it. But he went on tracing it again and again.
"He is the mystic," said my soul, "Let us leave him."

And we walked on, till in a quiet cove we saw a man scooping up the foam and putting it into an alabaster bowl.
"He is the idealist," said my soul, "Surely he must not see our nudity."

And on we walked. Suddenly we heard a voice crying, "This is the sea. This is the deep sea. This is the vast and mighty sea." And when we reached the voice it was a man whose back was turned to the sea, and at his ear he held a shell, listening to its murmur.
And my soul said, "Let us pass on. He is the realist, who turns his back on the whole he cannot grasp, and busies himself with a fragment."

So we passed on. And in a weedy place among the rocks was a man with his head buried in the sand. And I said to my soul, "We can bathe here, for he cannot see us."
"Nay," said my soul, "For he is the most deadly of them all. He is the puritan."

Then a great sadness came over the face of my soul, and into her voice.

"Let us go hence," she said, "For there is no lonely, hidden place where we can bathe. I would not have this wind lift my golden hair, or bare my white bosom in this air, or let the light disclose my scared nakedness."

Then we left that sea to seek the Greater Sea.


haye, yaar, Khalil Gibran kitna kuch keh gaye hen, inn chand satron mai.......!

.............,

yaaar blog
bari khush hun,
kal sahir ludhianvi ki kulyaat lai,
bari sasti mil gai kitaab.....!
:grin

aur kuch khaas he nahi khne ko,
soch rahi hun, Gibran ko hi share kr lun,
magar phla qarz sahir ji ka bnta he,

wese amreeta preetam sahiba ka likha deebacha bara pasand aya share karungi kbhi.......!

aik shair jo mudat se dil ki rajdhani pe raj kr rha he
aur kitab k pehle safhe par ibarat k taur darj he

''dunya ne tajarbaat o hawadis ki shakal mai
jo kuch mjhe dia he, wo lota rha hun mai''

Dil e wehshi tere jeene ki ye ada hogi.....

blog,

aik khayaal ata he,

phr sochti hun, btaoungi to hansoge,

kher farq kia prta he,

hanste ho to hanste phiro...!

Aksar log apni khifat mitane ko hanste hi to hen....!

to bta mai ye rahi thi k mera dil karta he k kuch arse pagalkhane mai sakoonat ikhtiaar ki jaye....!

baat kuch yun he, k hen to hum dewaane,ya keh lo k adhe pagal,

aur jo adha pagal hua to matlb ye k adha sahi he, aur adha pagal bhi he..!

to jab hum na iss qabeele k aur na uss qabeele k,

to phr idhar rahen ya udhar,

farq kia parta he.....!

kam az kam wahan koi pathar to nhi marta na ji,

aur maare bhi, to dil ko tassali to hogi k ye pagalon ki harkat he,

so-called normalon ki nhi....!

:grin